Ad Speak Translator

To help get 2013 off to a roaring start, what better way than to translate the ad speak of today versus, say, 1993 just to show how far (or not) we’ve come. Or this is what happens when you’ve actually been ‘in the business’ for 30 years. Here are just a few examples. Feel free to add your own, of course.

 2013: Circa 1993

KPIs (key performance indicators): Measurement

Crowd sourcing: Gang bang (excuse me)

Ideation: Brainstorming

Telecommuting: Call in sick

Work, life balance: “Yea, right. It’s advertising”

Invest in us: “Our company won’t pay your agency for any of your time or work, but we’ll give you some cheesy product samples and worthless stock in exchange.”

Sabbatical: “I’m so burned out that I could continue to come into work and attend client meetings stoned out my mind, but if you’re going to pay me to sit on a beach and drink for 8 hours a day, fine, who I am to argue?”

Data Analytics: “Did we meet the sales goals or what?”

ROI: “What, you want us to tell you if the advertising is going to work?!”

Social Media: “I don’t get paid crap to work in the media department, but I sure do love being wined and dined by all the media reps.”

Consumer Conversations: “Going to focus groups tonight; they’d better not kill my ideas…idiots!”

Mobile apps: “Tear that number out of the phone book so I can call ‘em at the next pay phone.”

South By Southwest (SXSW): “Go down two blocks south, turn right at the filling station, then head west for another quarter mile…”

Skinny suits: Pony tails

Effie Award: “Oh, well, it wasn’t creative enough to win a Pencil or a Lion, but at least the client won’t fire us for another year.”

Procurement:  “Hey, Frank, tell Becky to run down the street and get me some smokes.”

Banner ads: “Banners (duh)”

Deliverables: “Make sure the FedEx guy picks up the comps to send to the client by 4.”

The pipeline is full: “We actually have some ideas.”

Walk back our statement: “We lied through our teeth and didn’t think that anyone would notice, but now that they did, oh shit… now what do we tell the client?”

Rich Media: “You want us to advertise on The Super Bowl? Are you crazy; the spots are too rich for our blood.”

Interactive TV: “Sure we can put your ad on Jerry Springer so that all the low-lifes at home can scream and throw food at the TV.”

We’ll be out ‘concepting’: We’ll be out ‘concepting’ (some things never change)